Why do people look at you like you have two heads when you say you have 5 kids? Why do people ask you if your done having kids like its any of their business? I am not sure. It has become a faux pas over the years to have more than 2-3 kids. I love the "Are you catholic?" or "Are you mormon?" questions. Um, last I checked, no. We just enjoy having children, we like the sounds of kids in our home and to one day think...we will never be lonely.
I am pondering all this because about 3 weeks ago we found out we were pregnant again. I'm not gonna say I wasn't shocked, because I was..majorly. After that though was joy, lots of joy, for me and my husband. We talked about having to come up with names again and all the things we would have to do to prepare to have another...and then came the thoughts of the "looks", the "OMG again?", the "don't you know what causes that?" and WORST of all...telling my mother. Now don't think I don't love my mother, because I do, really I do. She raised me to be the Godly woman I am today. She just doesn't handle the baby thing too well. She thought we would stop after we had a boy then a girl, because "why would you need more? you have one of each?" REALLY? Is that why people only have two? Because they got a boy and they got a girl? I know that's not the only reason people decide to have two but I know that some do (my mother being one). And that's sad to me...I love each and every child that God has bless us with. I can't imagine my life with only my oldest two.
Back on subject here. I worried so about telling my mother that when I started bleeding two days later, I figured out a way to go to the ER that afternoon with my husband without telling her. I called my sister-in-law and through tears told her what was going on. See my brother has 4 beautiful children of his own and knows what my mom thinks of us having so many kids. But my SIL was and always is so supportive and encouraging. She understood everything, not wanting to tell my mom, the fear of what others think, all of it. She offered to watch our kids for us so we could go and see what was going on. Long story short that night through tears I had to tell my mom that we were pregnant but that we were not sure if we were having a miscarriage or not. Although she was upset that I didn't think I could tell her she still managed a "when are y'all gonna do something to stop having more?". So I laid it out for her why I didn't want to tell her, and all I can do is pray that she listened.
On the Monday before Christmas we found out that my hormone levels did show that I miscarried. After that it was so hard to be happy and joyful and for me that is hard because I love this time of the year. I reached out to a few friends that I know would not judge but would pray for me and I was able to get out of the funk and enjoy the holidays with my precious little ones.
With much thought and prayer we are leaving the door open for having more children. We are not ready to make anything permanent. I think after you lose one, it makes it that much harder to say no more.
I write all this because I need to come to an understanding with myself that it doesn't matter what people think. What matters is what me and my husband and God think.
So next time one of your friends says "we're having another!" answer with a smile and a "congrats!" no matter what number it is and keep all other comments to yourself :) Think of them and the precious cargo they are carrying.
