Why?

Why do people look at you like you have two heads when you say you have 5 kids? Why do people ask you if your done having kids like its any of their business? I am not sure. It has become a faux pas over the years to have more than 2-3 kids. I love the "Are you catholic?" or "Are you mormon?" questions. Um, last I checked, no. We just enjoy having children, we like the sounds of kids in our home and to one day think...we will never be lonely.

I am pondering all this because about 3 weeks ago we found out we were pregnant again. I'm not gonna say I wasn't shocked, because I was..majorly. After that though was joy, lots of joy, for me and my husband. We talked about having to come up with names again and all the things we would have to do to prepare to have another...and then came the thoughts of the "looks", the "OMG again?", the "don't you know what causes that?" and WORST of all...telling my mother. Now don't think I don't love my mother, because I do, really I do. She raised me to be the Godly woman I am today. She just doesn't handle the baby thing too well. She thought we would stop after we had a boy then a girl, because "why would you need more? you have one of each?" REALLY? Is that why people only have two? Because they got a boy and they got a girl? I know that's not the only reason people decide to have two but I know that some do (my mother being one). And that's sad to me...I love each and every child that God has bless us with. I can't imagine my life with only my oldest two.

Back on subject here. I worried so about telling my mother that when I started bleeding two days later, I figured out a way to go to the ER that afternoon with my husband without telling her. I called my sister-in-law and through tears told her what was going on. See my brother has 4 beautiful children of his own and knows what my mom thinks of us having so many kids. But my SIL was and always is so supportive and encouraging. She understood everything, not wanting to tell my mom, the fear of what others think, all of it. She offered to watch our kids for us so we could go and see what was going on. Long story short that night through tears I had to tell my mom that we were pregnant but that we were not sure if we were having a miscarriage or not. Although she was upset that I didn't think I could tell her she still managed a "when are y'all gonna do something to stop having more?". So I laid it out for her why I didn't want to tell her, and all I can do is pray that she listened.

On the Monday before Christmas we found out that my hormone levels did show that I miscarried. After that it was so hard to be happy and joyful and for me that is hard because I love this time of the year. I reached out to a few friends that I know would not judge but would pray for me and I was able to get out of the funk and enjoy the holidays with my precious little ones.

With much thought and prayer we are leaving the door open for having more children. We are not ready to make anything permanent. I think after you lose one, it makes it that much harder to say no more.

I write all this because I need to come to an understanding with myself that it doesn't matter what people think. What matters is what me and my husband and God think.
So next time one of your friends says "we're having another!" answer with a smile and a "congrats!" no matter what number it is and keep all other comments to yourself :) Think of them and the precious cargo they are carrying.

I finally did it!

So, I finally did it....I'm homeschooling :) I'm a little late in sharing this info since I actually took them out of school in March. But, I am so happy I finally took the step to do it. I've wanted to do it forever it seems. I've never been comfortable putting my kids in public schools and knew that I also could never have afforded to put them in private school either. It took much thought, prayer and talks with my husband. We had had enough of the long h0urs of working on homework, seeing the stress from my oldest son, Andrew, who is in 4th grade, and dealing with the stress that I began seeing him have. I didn't think it was fair to make him go through all that because I was afraid. So the first week in March, I walked into their school and filled out the withdraw papers and filed the necessary paperwork with the BOE . It was such a big relief, for them and me. I now have all five at home and its wonderful! There's Andrew who will be starting 5th, Haley who has a few learning problems that we are working on who will be continuing 1st and Joshua starting Kindergarten. And of course there's Jacob who will turn 4 in September that I'll begin letters and numbers with. We are on summer break now and will pick up where we left off in August. I am looking forward to this time in their lives where I can be the one to teach them about God and his creation and all that he has for them :)

Finally back :)

So I'm finally back after not blogging at ALL after having my daughter. So she arrived on her due date, never had that happen before! Everything went great. I had her in the water which was something else new to me, but now she is going on 9 mos and is the sweetest thing! nurses AWESOME, new to me again LOL. She's such a wonderful baby, more than i could ask for- especially for your last child :)
So other than taking care of her not a whole lot has been going on. We had Christmas, so fun! and started a new year, go 2011!!
My friend Julie had a baby, early, so she's in the NICU. she's doing good right now- Thank the Lord! I'm crocheting her a blanket and hat right now for her to have in the incubator. So thankful all of mine arrived on time and healthy. Praying for the baby and for Julie.
I kinda started my own business making hairbow and things for girls. going pretty good so far. I'll probably be posting about that hopefully before too long. So look for that!
well its kinda late now so for now, night!

The arrival of baby Lauren!

My sweet baby Lauren finally arrived! And much to my surprise she arrived on her due date. I was NOT expecting this at all considering I had never even had one before my due date.
I started going into labor about 1am and by 4am I decided to go to the birth center to see if anything was really happening. I got a little worried when we got there and they checked me, the midwife said I don't think your really in labor...what? Aw man! So she gave me a couple of pills to help me sleep and said go home and get some rest. So I headed home and tried to go back to sleep. Didn't happen, I kept having contractions. They didn't hurt really but kept me awake none the less. So at about 7am, when all my kids started waking up, I decided to get up and that's when the real ones started. As I walked around the house thinking these kinda hurt, I still kept thinking, "am I in labor?" Now mind you this is my 5Th child, you would think I would know if I was in labor but didn't. So my husband gets everyone off to school and then tells me he's heading to work. I was like, "DO WHAT?". I'm possibly in labor and your gonna go to work and leave me with two toddlers! I was a little worried. He assured me he was just running in to give them his paper work and comin right back. I decided to called my mom, Darlin (that's what my kids call her thanks to the oldest, Andrew), and she came pretty quickly. I went and tried to lay back down and get more sleep but the contractions kept getting stronger, finally I called my husband and found out he was on his way home, THANK GOODNESS! As soon as he got home, we left! When we got to the birth center we found out just how close we came to having her at home, I was 7 almost 8 and had her at 10:20 am (an hour after getting there ).

She is the sweetest baby! She's so good and sleeps great. She put herself on a schedule and pretty much sticks to it. She's asleep by 11:30 most nights (unless mom has eaten something she shouldn't have and gives her gas). She will be 10 weeks old on Wednesday. She can really smile up a storm when you talk to her and has started cooing back. I love her with all my heart and I'm so blessed to have her! All the kids have welcomed her with open arms (sometimes literally!) even Jacob who I thought might be the jealous one loves her to death! Can't stop kissing her feet! more to come on that one :) I thank God so much for blessing me with her!

Gettin antsy!

So I am ready to have this baby! But name me one women that is about a week from her due date that isn't. I guess I should be use to it though considering that I pretty much always go over!

I am a mother of 4 almost 5. My first three children we're born in hospitals and were induced labors. My forth child though I went for a natural birth in a birth center. Best decision I ever made! The three I had in the hospital were so stressful that I didn't enjoy laboring and I knew from seeing other women labor that I wanted that special moment. So with my fourth child I finally found a midwife that didn't have to deliver at a hospital and its been wonderful. I go to a midwife group, there's two midwifes that still deliver there and they are such wonderful women.

So here I am 38 weeks and 5 days and I can't wait for her to get here! Our fourth child was the only one I went into natural labor with and was 41 weeks. now the other three I was always induced. My first child I was 41 weeks, second 38 and something, but she had a kidney disorder and they wanted everything in place in case something needed to be done but I was still only 2cm at 38 weeks. My third I was 40 weeks and 4 days. So don't know why I'm getting antsy now cause I know I've got at least another week if not two. I don't want to go to 41 weeks again because the baby had meconium last time and I couldn't have the water birth I wanted so bad! I really want to do that this time and it will break my heart if i don't get to this time. But as long as shes healthy I'll get over it :)